Five Times Jerry Falwell Did Not Approve (challenge fic)
Title: Five Times Jerry Falwell Did Not Approve
Fandom: Justice League
Characters: Sue/Ralph, Booster/Beetle, Guy, Bea/Mary, Ice, Rocket Red, General Glory
Prompt: "Independence."
Word Count: 2493
Rating: NC-17
Author's Notes: For my Jerry Falwell Porn-A-Thon (check it out!), I offer up a fic inspired by what is no doubt one of his most famous quotes: "I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way -- all of them who have tried to secularize America -- I point the finger in their face and say, 'You helped this happen.'"
Beta by wonderfish.


Five Times Jerry Falwell Did Not Approve

1. Pagans

When Booster and Beetle went over to Guy's bar (out of costume of course), the last thing they expected was to be greeted by the smell of hemp and a loud cheer.

Bewildered, the pair looked over the interior of The Dark Side and found it overrun by hippies. At least, that was what Ted thought they looked like. Booster had a different opinion.

"'Neopagans'?" Ted repeated in disbelief.

Booster shrugged, side-stepping a man with flowers woven into his beard and hair, and headed for the bar. Though he had recently been forced to accept the fact that his friend wasn't a total idiot, Ted had a little trouble reconciling his mental image of Booster with the image of Booster saying "Neopagans" seemingly with full awareness of the word's meaning. So it took him a moment to catch up with Booster.

When Ted reached the bar, Guy was already passing Booster two beers, one of which Booster pushed toward Ted.

Taking a seat on the stool next to Booster, Beetle waved a hand at the assembled merrymakers and asked, "Guy, what gives?"

Guy rolled his eyes as he pulled a bottle of green liquid from beneath the counter and handed it over to a woman in an airy, partially see-through dress. "Local group," he said, after tucking away the woman's payment. His eyes followed her as she walked over to a booth where she was enthusiastically applauded. The woman did not appear to be wearing underwear.

"They're alright," he continued, finally turning his attention back to Booster and Ted. "They don't cause any trouble, come in every now and then. Tonight's a big do. Some holiday; Beltane." He wagged his eyebrows and leered. "Apparently it's one'a the ones that's heavy on the fertility rituals."

From one side of the bar, there were sudden catcalls and whistles. They all turned around to see two women, one in a corset and long skirt and the other in jeans and a tanktop, sitting on top of a table with their lips very firmly locked together. The tanktopped woman had a hand on the back of the other woman's skirt and the other woman was returning the favor with a hand under the tanktop. Both of them had flowers in their hair.

Spilling out of a booth, another group of flower-bedecked celebrants started up a jaunty tune. Two of them had guitars (one painted with runes and the other covered in small bumperstickers), another one played a set of panpipes with a feather hanging from them, and still more had a tambourine, a maraca, bongo drums, and a didgeridoo.

The sound was odd but not unpleasant, and several people started to dance.

Exchanging a look, Booster and Ted shrugged philosophically and decided to go with the flow.

Sliding off his stool, Booster wandered off to introduce himself to a woman with a tattoo of a star right above her left breast. Not long after, they were cheerfully bouncing along to the music.

Ted found himself being offered homemade, organic sherbet, which burned going down. "Holy shit, what proof is that?" he croaked.

The woman who had shared it giggled, tucked a flower behind Ted's ear, and gave him a quick kiss on the lips before twirling away in a blur of earth-toned scarves and skirts.

The room was alive with merriment and revelry. People spun and bounced, a few couples dirty dancing, some seeming to know actual dance steps, and others not appearing to have any concept of rhythm. But throughout, whether it was the dancers or those conversing in booths, the general vibe was celebratory.

At one point, a man and a woman, siblings if their matching flaming red hair was any indication, each grabbed one of Ted's hands and hauled him up and onto the floor. Laughing, the pair linked their free hands and started skipping in a circle. Caught up in their enthusiasm, Ted laughed and joined in.

A few others joined in and the skipping circle's numbers fluctuated wildly as more came and went. Finally, Ted felt a tap on his shoulder and then an arm around his waist before he was whisked away from the circle. It took him a while to realize it was Booster, grinning at him as he kept his arm around Ted's waist and held Ted's hand with his. Spinning away, Booster suddenly dipped him and Ted got an upside-down glimpse of a couple (easily recognizable as male, with their shirts off) making out under a table.

In fact, now that he looked around, Ted could see a lot of people paired (and a few tripled) off. Following his gaze, Booster grinned at him.

"Fertility rituals, Guy said."

Ted snorted and dropped his forehead to Booster's shoulder. "At least it's not an orgy."

"Just don't go in the back room," Booster advised with a wink.

Laughing, Ted allowed himself to be spun around a few more times before he suddenly pulled Booster into a shadowy corner and wrapped his arms around the man's neck to kiss him. Ted had decided that, at the very least, he was drunk and could use that as an excuse. He was drunk, he was happier than he had been in a while, people all around him were getting lucky, he was horny, and dammit, he just felt like it.

Booster felt like it too, if the way the man was pressing Ted back against a wall was any indication.

In the background, the music played and the party went on, but in that corner Booster and Ted were wrapped up in their own private world of each other. Years of hints and teases and frustration resolved in a sudden, blinding desire to take what was so obliquely offered.

Hand shoved down Booster's pants, Ted wrapped a leg around the man's waist and let his head fall back against the wall as Booster sucked on his neck. Rubbing lazily against Booster's hip, Ted popped the button of his friend's jeans so he could angle his hand better. Booster signalled his approval by groaning, biting Ted's neck, and jamming a hand up Ted's shirt to pinch a nipple.

Ted's hips jerked and he bit his lip to keep from shouting. His grip tightened and there was a sudden pulse and warm liquid coated his hand while Booster gasped. That pushed Ted over and he came arching his back and clinging to Booster.

When they came back to themselves, it was to the sound of a Hava Nagila duet with panpipes and didgeridoo, party-goers singing along enthusiastically. Catching each others eyes, the duo ducked their heads and started laughing quietly.

"Maybe a little gay?" Booster asked, eyes twinkling with amusement.

"Maybe," Ted conceded, grinning. "But we're not telling anyone."

"Of course not. It'd go to their heads."

Snickering, they leaned against each other, and the wall, and let the sound of Beltane celebrations wash over them.

2. Abortionists

"And the doctor's sure?"

Sue looked up to glare at him with red-rimmed eyes, her arms wrapped tightly, defensively, around her middle. "Yes," she said, voice wavering just slightly.

Running a hand through his hair, Ralph blew out a deep breath. His chest felt tight and hot-cold prickles ran over his nerves. He couldn't begin to imagine how Sue felt.

"But how do we know it's--I mean we've discussed children before. We...couldn't it be...?"

"The timing..." Sue murmured thickly, eyes glassy with horror and tears. "It's too close to--" She shook her head, mouth twisting in revulsion as she covered it with one hand.

"Sue..." Ralph whispered, standing up and moving toward her.

"I want an abortion," Sue blurted abruptly.

Startled, Ralph paused. "Are--Are you sure? It's a big decision, and you know I'd take care of the baby no matter whose--"

"I'm not having that monster's bastard child!" Sue shrieked.

They stared at each other, Sue looking shocked at her sudden outburst, Ralph just sad. Slowly, gently, Ralph wrapped his arms around his wife several times and pulled her close. Sue pressed her face to Ralph's chest with a sob and Ralph softly petted her hair.

"Whatever you want, Bun," he murmured gently. "Whatever you decide, I'll still be here. I'll still love you."

"I can't," Sue choked. "I can't go through that."

Ralph closed his eyes and nodded. "I'll make the appointment."

3. Feminists

Teddi was a devoted feminist. How she had managed the cognitive dissonance that must have saturated her marriage with a condescending sexist asshole, even she couldn't say for certain.

One of the things Teddi liked about Mike was that he was a gentleman, but seemed perfectly aware of and fine with the fact that Teddi could take care of herself. He never seemed surprised that she liked sports, and when he expressed disbelief at how she had managed to (successfully, no less) be a single mother for so long, it was because he didn't think he could have managed being a single father.

Thinking of Mike as a father never failed to make Teddi feel all warm and squishy inside, though she tried not to let on.

Mike need not have worried about his parenting skills, in Teddi's opinion. When Teddi asked him one day, stuck at work for longer than expected and with Gladys out of town, to pick up Merit from school, he passed the (unofficial) test with flying colors.

As Teddi found out over dinner than night, Merit had been quietly crying her eyes out when Mike showed up. Worried that the girl thought something was wrong, Mike had quickly explained to her that Teddi was working late and had asked him to come instead. It turned out, however, that this was not the source of Merit's woe.

Some of the boys in Merit's class had been playing with a Nerf football and refused to let Merit play because she was a girl. Confused and hurt, Merit relayed all this to Mike, who had pulled her into his arms and wiped her tears away as best he could. Giving one of her pigtails a tweak, Mike had whispered in her ear that they just didn't want her to play because they knew she'd beat them. When Merit had looked up at him hopefully, and asked "Really?" Mike had told her "Yep, they're just wimps."

With Merit giggling, tears forgotten, Mike had taken her to a nearby park and tossed a football around with her for a while. As Mike told Teddi, with Merit grinning proudly, Merit had an impressive arm on her.

After extracting a promise from Mike for more football lessons, Merit had skipped off to bed. As Mike was turning around, saying that the girl could probably play professionally one day if she kept practicing, Teddi grabbed him and kissed him firmly and insistently.

When the kiss ended, Mike had his arms around Teddi's waist and a confused look on his face. "What was that for?" he asked. "Not that I'm complaining."

Arms around Mike's neck, Teddi had pressed a quick peck to the man's lips and smiled affectionately. "For being so good with her. For encouraging her. For not being my asshole ex, who would have told her to go play dollies."

Mike's brow furrowed in confusion. "Dollies? She didn't have Dr. Barbie with her."

Shaking her head and smiling, Teddi leaned against Mike and kissed him again. As she was quickly learning, Mike didn't have a sexist bone in his body.

He made it so easy to love him, Teddi thought.

4. The Gays and the Lesbians

When Mary lost her powers, she went to Bea and asked for help. Bea was surprised until Mary explained that there weren't really that many people she could ask.

Neither of them mentioned Sue.

With a roll of her eyes and an exasperated huff, Bea agreed. She even got Mary a minor job with Checkmate, a sort of internship that wasn't much more than a glorified gofer but was better than nothing. Mary found out later that the only way Bea had managed the internship was because some of the problems Checkmate had to take care of also happened to be Mary's Trials. It was assumed they would be easier to deal with by just letting Mary handle them and, at the same time, allow them to keep an eye on her.

The subterfuge had, as usual, annoyed her, but she could understand their reasoning.

In any case, Mary would find herself subjected to the Trials that were to prove her again worthy of the powers of Shazam, while at the same time trying to find Freddy Freeman. With Bea by her side, it didn't seem as difficult.

The first time Mary kissed Bea, it was because the older woman had brought news of Freddy. Mary had squealed excitedly, hugged the woman, and kissed Bea full on the lips before skipping off to go pack, chattering excitedly. It took her a few minutes to notice Bea's rather uncharacteristic silence, and looked over to find that the woman had a funny expression on her face.

Finally realizing what she had done, Mary had apologized profusely, only to have her apologies waved off by Bea, who had forced a smile and joined her in packing.

It turned out to be a dead end, Freddy having disappeared before they got there once again. But the trip wasn't a complete waste, as Mary ended up stumbling upon a Trial. After spending the better part of four days awake and helping the locals fight a flood, Mary earned Atlas's power of stamina.

Bedraggled and drenched in mud, Mary had showered and then fallen asleep for fourteen hours, a smile on her face. Halfway through her rest, Mary thought she woke briefly to find Bea sitting beside her, stroking her hair and looking down at her fondly, but it could just as easily have been a dream.

"We make a good team," Bea said one day.

Grinning fit to burst, Mary said, "Yeah, we do."

And that was that. They were a team.

The second time Mary kissed Bea, it was with the wisdom of Solomon backing her decision as she held the woman's face in her hands and their lips met.

5. People for the American Way

"For the American Way!" General Glory shouted to stir the patriotism and resolve in the hearts of his team. Certain in the knowledge that they were right behind him, he charged into battle.

Still standing in place, Fire glanced at Ice and Rocket Red and said, "He knows none of us are American, right?"

"Baseball and Mom's apple pie!" Rocket Red exclaimed in his thick accent, raising a fist in the air as he followed General Glory enthusiastically. "Hokey dokey!"

Fire and Ice stared after him for a moment, then shared a look. Then they both shrugged.

"Baseball and apple pie," Fire deadpanned.

"Woo," Ice cheered quietly, raising a fist about halfway.

Together, the Brazilian and the Norwegian followed after their teammates at a more subdued pace.